I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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