Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
time to smoke my breakfast
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize