I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
