I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
