It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
