If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
