everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
