I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you bring me the toilet please
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
