i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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