Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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