I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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