When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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