Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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