its not stalking. its research.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Congratulations! We have a period
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
