you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
