Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i think i just lost a toe
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize