fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
