Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
