Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
