you turned your livingroom into a bong?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had to cum in my sink.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
