is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
