Got a toothbrush?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
