youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
