Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
