You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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