My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
