Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
