He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
