Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
