chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
