dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
