I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
