I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
