I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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