I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
