you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
