guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize