happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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