he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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