So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
