it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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