Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
