even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
