Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
