It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
