Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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