Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
