i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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