Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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