What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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