watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
