Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
