I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
