Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where are my eyebrows?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
