i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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