we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
