Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
