that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Quick, to the slutcave!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
