Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
