dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
