fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
