Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
