Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
