Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize