rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
