i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
