How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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