i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
