I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
