i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
