My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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