Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
barbara walters just said penis...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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