If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize