That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
