giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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