is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
