Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
