i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
