GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
