you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
