Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize